WALKING AWAY!

Time to walk away from the Negativity of 2005, and Celebrate 2006! Happy New Year!


"Walking Away" by Craig David
Performed by ShawnQt

THIS BLOG IS SOMETHING ELSE!

Has there ever been a time when you felt uneasy, unbalanced, sad, depressed, disappointed, unfitting, or incomplete?

3 Years ago, on Christmas Eve, I felt the same way. I was on AOL Instant Messenger, talking to a friend of mine and my boyfriend at the same time. So I typed something to my friend about my lover, and I ended up sending it to boyfriend! Let's just say the comment could sound very hurtful taken out of context. He was very upset. I felt so bad. How could I hurt the one I love? I was so disappointed in myself. I called him to try and explain, and he wasn't hearing it. So I just hung up the phone, got my coat, and started walking outside. All around me was shivering winds & blistering snow. How fitting, because my heart and mind felt the same way. When I came back, I wrote this poem. It's called...

Shivering

Leaving on the Eve
When the lord is born
The snow is cold outside.
A draft creeps into my heart.

I'm like a shivering Shiva
With an orange moon on my head,
For love is on my mind
As I walk these streets alone.

Light after light
I connect the missing lines,
Unguided and nowhere to turn.
Thoughts of a savior come to mind
But he isn't born till tomorrow.

Northern stars and Supernovas
I search for in the brisk sky,
If only there was a full moon
He would be here by my side.

It's a damn cold night,
Nothing is going right,
And everything is a mess,
Yet I am fully dressed,
In language that is
Unevolving and insecure.

As I walk back home,
I see two sets of footsteps
In the snow below.
They are mine,
I have walked this path before.
I guess I am not alone
after all.

As I read this poem, on the same day 3 years ago, I look back at where I have been, and where I am going with my life. I have evolved into a better version of myself, and this poem is a testimony of that. I realized that No matter what I have been through, I have walked this path before. Either physically, spiritually, or historically. We all have all walked through the "shadows of death" and times when we wern't complete, and made it through. In times of despair, we feel as if GOD isn't present. But reading this poem now, I believed that night, GOD was with me, even when I didn't believe GOD was. Now, here I am as a testimony how GOD moves you through anything and uplifts you to be a better person.

I am no longer shivering out of fear,

but releasing the warmth and spirit of GOD!

This is what I feel, Christmas is all about. A Celebration of GOD, Family, & Gratitude. GOD gave us the gift of GOD's kin, who in return gave us the gift of life. Jesus gave us the ability to think outside or own limited thinking, and the understanding to love one another. Jesus allowed us to believe in ourselves, and our own power, so that we can be our own salvation. And last, but not least...To Honor God. So I thank GOD, for my life, my family & friends, even my blog. My Blog is Something Else. Reading the comments from my last post, made me realize that I'm blogging for a reason. I'm blogging for "meaning", and through GOD, and this blog, I know I will find it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

THIS BLOG AIN'T SHIT!

...So I finally came to the conclusion that my blog ain't shit. I mean, I don't talk about the things that are plaguing the black gay community. I don't interview bloggers and dish out dirt. I don't have a PHD, and talk about various books that are out. I don't post funny photos of celebrities. I don't even post Parties and Events that are HOT in NYC! At least those are the things that gets people attention right? What do I do, talk about my azz? What's the point of blogging?

...So Then I realized, I'm still going to blog. fuck it.

...So I finally found a Christmas Tree, after looking a week for an affordable one. It's small, but it's cute. First Christmas in a new place is different, but the family is going to open up gifts here, so I am excited about that. Seems that me getting an IPOD is not going to happen, but hopefully I can get the sexy underwear I wanted. I want something that shows the bulkiness of my dick and my azz, and a color that compliments my skin tone. [i love the word bulkiness] I don't mind a thong or bikini briefs, maybe something see-thru, As long as its hot! Probably walk around the house with a Santa Hat, my new underwear, and a pair of Timbs! I love Christmas!

...So I finally got a few design projects working out, that may bring me some extra cash. I been working with Larry D. Lyons with the Rashawn Brazell project. He came over, and just worked together. It's always good having him come through, because he's so funny, and our personalities bounce off each other. Shout to to Larry D. I'll be sending the final revisions to you later on tonight. I'm also excited about working with Unconquerable Soul on this new venture! Doing a invitation and some promotional pieces for his political agenda. Feels good to help out someone that is passionate about what they do. And yes Trent, I got you! Don't think I forgot about you too, Valentino.

...So I finally saw the video for "Check On It", and Beyonce is HOT IN PINK! Nuff said!

[this blog ain't shit.

why you still reading?]

Obsession

originally written March 7th, 2002

Yo, this brotha look mad good,
I think I got this life misunderstood.
How can you say this feeling is wrong,
Cause I've been eyeballing this dude all day long.
Damn, look as his lips,
SHIT, a brotha has to get some of this!

The teacher is going on and on,
Just making a brotha yawn,
If she don't shut her ass up.
I am just trying to see What's up,
with this brotha across the room,
so let me resume...

Back to his eyes,
Light brown, and turn green in July.
His complexion is pure perfection,
just one touch would give me an erection,
My ish is already on the climb,
I had to shift it like three or four times.

But I don't give a f*ck,
with any luck I be sucking his dick,
in the back of his truck!
Yo, what is the deal with me,
sounding like a Lil Kim CD.
And you know that ain't me, please,
cause I hardly even get on my knees.

Ok, maybe it was once or twice,
only because he sucked my shit all night.
And maybe this nig could be the next,
for sex, if he really is a suspect.

To holla, or not to holla,
that is the question?
My soul says, tell him your confession.
So I have to use my discretion, to give the right impression,
to fully experience this sexual obsession.

Color Me Purple

Weekends come and go, but it is always that one weekend that really makes you appreciate what life is all about.

Saturday

I spent the day with my good friend of mine named "O". O has become a really close friend of mine over the past couple of months. He is very understanding, giving, intelligent, and very funny. We mesh well together, and I honor my friendship with him. The brotha can sing like no other, and plans to go into Music Education. So O and myself decided to go to NYC to do some Christmas Shopping. I wanted to get into the Christmas Spirit, so I started to sing Christmas songs on the PATH train. I was really bad because I kept forgetting the words. Everyone kept looking like us like we was crazy, but hey, they will never see us ever again.

So then we went to Manhattan Mall, grubbing down on Mickie D's Fries most of the time, and went to a few stores there. Then we went to H&M, Kay B Toy Store, Old Navy, Toys R Us, and the Virgin Mega Store. I got half of my shopping done, but NO WHERE NEAR DONE!

Then we headed to Derrick L. Briggs "Stories" Event, to be a part of one of the BEST events I have been to all year! It was amazing, the experience of being around so many intelligent black gay brothas, all sharing a piece of who they are, there are just no words. If you missed the event, you have to go to the next one, because you will be, "fulfilled". Derrick introduced a character called D'MARCUS BLACK, and not only is he piece of Derrick himself, he's a piece of all our experiences. You have to hear his story. What I was really excited about was to meet some many bloggers that I admire, and now would like to get to know. Stone, P. Alonzo, Jason Cooper, Prodigal Sun, Bobby Brown Jr., Rodney, were all in attendance. Shout out to Big Q for winning Best Story! Sorry I missed it, I PROMISE next time, I won't be late.

The story I read was actually a previous blog entry that was re-written to be more compelling . Will I Ever Let Go?, was the best introduction, and while I was re-writing it, I received my answer from GOD.

"Sometimes its good to let go, any other times its good to let God In."

It was great to experience this event. This is our story. This is where I feel the quote from The Color Purple comes in. We all want to be noticed, heard, acknowledged, because we all are beautiful men and women, of God. I'm just glad that Derrick created such a space within the universe... So Color Me Purple, You'll be hearing more of me! After the event, O, Paul, and Myself went out to eat at a diner, and I ended up going to Brooklyn to see Narnia the Movie later on that evening. Great Movie!

Sunday

The next day, I spent time with an amazing man, who is such an amazing man, that he surprised me with the most amazing gift of taking me to a Broadway show. You guessed it? "The Color Purple: The Musical"

The Color Purple has always been my favorite movie of all time. I read the book in High School, and fell in love with it again. Now that I have seen the Musical, I have a even deeper appreciation for it. I don't want to go into full detail since I want ALL OF YOU TO GO SEE IT! I just want to say that, the stage background was simple and amazing, the acting and singing was on point, and it was very true to the story, with added additions, to keep huge fans like me interested. None of the songs from the Motion picture were featured, but I now have new songs to add to the playlist. The characters were very vibrant, and you could feel the sadness and determination within them. The trade mark, Hell NO!, so famously said by Sophia, were sold as T-shirts in the Hallway. I was just so excited to be there!

Nettie, Celie's Sister, is the only person she trusts and loves. Nettie's Love is what keep Celie pushing on. There is bond, so strong it can be felt over of years of them being a part. Ma-Ki-Da-Da!

What was interesting to me was the love affair of (Celie & Shug) isn't played down in the show but played up, even having both of them sing a ballad to each other. It is always good to see a loving portrayal of homosexuality, because it wasn't about sex with these two, it was the bond and the connection that they shared. Shug made Celie feel confident and beautiful.

How do you Color yourself Purple?

[to mr. amazing. thanks.]

Seven Whole Thoughts

me in sims 2... think... focus... release...

1.

I'm like so sick right now, its crazy. I have been sick for like a week now. It feels like little germs are throwing wet snowballs in my nose. That wasn't a pretty visual, but me being sick isn't pretty either. I need soup, SOUP!

2.
So my cousin has LEAD right... and I see my Uncle moving out next door. Why didn't anyone tell me they was moving? Lil Ty is 3, and I think he's been putting lead in his mouth, so by law, they have to move out. He'll be alright though, he shouldn't be cursing anyway. Later Guys, see you at Christmas!

3.

I NEED A STORY for Derrick L. Briggs Book Club! I have plenty of poems, but I haven't really written a lot of stories except for my blog. I think I am going to start writing more stories though, its very interesting to see people's reactions to them. I love this story that Jamal Franklin wrote, had me going for a second.

4.

I have been downloading music like crazy for the past week, thinking that since I have Highspeed connection, these big music files won't take up space on my hard drive. Yeah right, I'm buying some blank cds this weekend. I love all of Toni Braxton's old songs... they seem so... epic. "Seven Whole Days" is just so amazing... the background vocals are hot, and it seemed like Toni's voice was stronger back in the day. I Love Her.

5.

Did anyone see the trailer for X-Men 3? I love Beast! And did you see Storm FLY, WHAT! And don't forget the coming of Dark Phoenix... too much, I can't wait. I need to buy the Fantastic Four DVD this weekend. I also want to go see Narnia the movie as well. I still haven't seen RENT or IN THE MIX with Usher, SO I have some catching up to do.

6.

I'm not going to Masturbate for a week. I think I'm an addicted to it. My friend O gave me some straight porn, and actually, it has been a lot more interesting then the lame gay ones I have. They are so loud, lol, I love it. The guys are a lot more sexier and well endowed as well. BUT, no masturbating for a week. Need to focus my energy for Sunday. Wouldn't you like to know what is going on Sunday. Let's just say I have a secret love affair. (wink)

7.

Is it tacky to give a gay man a gay gift for Christmas? lol.

I love blogging...
[CLICK HERE FOR MY INTERVIEW WITH TRENT JACKSON]

Sexy Brothas Heating Up the House!

[applause]

Welcome Ladies and Gents to my very first Housewarming Party! [can you have more then one?] Yes there was food... and drinks... games and prizes! Not to forget, my wonderful, intelligent, and of course sexy friends, who by the way are all single [they paid me to say that] who were all in attendance. Here are the photos of the event, Enjoy!

watching tv... thinking? where is the food. It's coming, damn!

playing Scattergories, you see how he looking at my answers!

sexy & smart, personally, I think he has all his answers saved on his phone!

these fine brothas can sing there azz off... they swear they on the red carpet!

look at him, he so sexy... wait a minute... what is going on back there?

hold up...is that adam4adam? let me find out!

you didn't want to take a picture, but you sure is smiling!

see it is not even that serious. cute brothas always trying to be shy!

see you know what, no more alcohol for you!

Excursion De La Maison: Office & Dining

THE OFFICE: CENTRAL COMMAND CENTER.
Theme: Fun & Mythological!
Colors: Green, Brown & Orange.

This is where I spend most of my time. Sitting here right now actually, lol. This room is not fully complete, but the concept of the room it a place to display my HUGE Action Figure Collection. Now I want to set them up more like artwork, then just figures all over the place. The two main collections I have is the Marvel Legends X-Men and new figures from the Masters of the Universe. He-Man is my Hero! I grew up on him. I had all the figures when I was little, until my Grandmother threw them all away. I was so mad.... I vowed (at the age of 10) I would get them all back! LOL. Who knew the old figures cost so much money! When the new figures came out a few years back, I GOT EVER SINGLE LAST ONE OF THEM! To me, they are a preservation of my childhood and imagination. When I was upset, I was sit and play with these figures, and be taken away... so looking at them now, I guess they give me comfort.

On the side of my desk is my graphic design portfolio. On my desk is my signed copy of TLC's 3D sampler. I won it during a dancing contest. Did I mention that to you guys? Yes that is Raz-B on the screen, I love them sexy brothas!



On top of the computer desk are my X-Men figures. The X-Men are the shit! When I was in high school, I had to deal with my sexuality, and I think I gravitated to the X-Men because they were mutants and humans hated them, much like what is going on with Homosexuals now. I have powers too! [wink] I have a lot of favorites though. Storm is a strong black woman, and I love how she is portrayed in the comics. I think she is the strongest and most respected Black super hero thus far. I love Rogue because I feel like her at times, dealing with so many people in my head. Colossus is the man, did you know he just came out in the Ultimate X-Men comic? Yeah, my brotha is gay now! He sexy too. I love Nightcrawler, because even though people see him as a demon, he is still walks with GOD. He is very spiritual, and I love that about him. Wolverine is over-rated, but you can't hate him. I love the Angel figure, only because I wish I had wings. Hey, I love all of them!



Hey Stewie! That's my Lil Mascot. I love Family Guy. He's guarding the games for me. That's right Stewie, be that bottom bitch for me... you like that... huh lil man... then come over to big daddie and let him give u a spanking... oh you like that spanking... huh bitch... [slaps self] My bad, yeah that's my lil Stewie. Doing a good job Stewie!



THE DINING AREA: JUST SIT DOWN, DAMN!
Theme: I don't know, I didn't get to that part yet.
Colors: Black, with any color I want to put on it. Leave me alone!

Ok, so I don't know what to do with the table, all I know is that I can sit down and eat while watching tv. Nuff said, lol.



I am very fond of the concept for the center piece. Its two roses in a glass vase, filled with sand, from California actually, and rocks. It represents the concept of the "rose growing out of concrete." I live in the ghetto, but I am not a product of my environment. I blossomed, and will always blossom... and hopefully I can find another rose that has done the same thing.

Yeah that is Tic-Tac-Toe... It just looks cool, lol. I know I'm going to change it like a million times. But hey, at least I can eat and watch tv at the same time. [the tv is on the other side in the living room]. I'm going to put some shelves and picture frames in that corner, just need a concept.

[coming soon photos of my living room, bedroom,
and the house warming party]