[adult swim]

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

[myadultswim]


have you ever felt so free?
have you ever felt so liberated?
have you ever let go of all your insecurities?
have you ever released all your inhibitions?
then come with me... and lets get naked.


I have always felt as if I was Clark Kent, trying to be Superman.
Always the nerd trying to prove to everyone, that he to can be just as amazing, attractive, and popular as everyone else. But I am not Superman, I am just Shawn. So I take off my Superman shirt, and my Superman underwear...
...and stand here before you, NAKED,
with all my insecurities hanging between me.
Here is the head of my feelings of not being attractive.
Here is my shaft of inability to express my own confidence.
Here are the balls of my thoughts of being teased, and never feeling special.
This is my dick in all its smallness.
Feel it. Does it feel like yours?
It's Sunday Morning and Fuzzy has already left to go Home, and then to Church. It always feels good to "sleep in" with him, and just lay in the bed. I would just lay next to him, holding him. I would rub my hands on his chest, and go up and down his abs thinking to myself how much he turns me on. I try not think about it, but other body parts tell me otherwise. I just blame it on the morning wood, even though it never is.
He always leaves my house in the morning with a kiss goodbye, and its one of my favorite kisses from him. It is as if his lips are saying, "I will be back, for more of you." but of course that is only overly imagination talking, but it feels good nonetheless.
I wake up a hour later and decide to start getting ready for today.
Today I'm going to the Nude Beach!
Fuzzy has told me about the nude beach before, and I always had the fascination of going. Do people really walk around naked? What if they get hard? What if I get hard? Are they all white people? What if a black mandingo takes off his clothes? Should I look or turn away? Should I even care and act as if no one is nude at all?
These are general questions that were swirling around in my head as I was checking my myspace messages. I really like myspace, because I honestly can meet genuine people that wish to be friends with me. As I was deciding what new photo I wanted to add to my profile, it came out of no where, as it always does.
Was I... Did I, look good enough to go to a Nude Beach? Yeah sure, I am not a bad guy to look at, but the thoughts of that "small lil nerd" inside me was surly come through. I am not perfect, nor is my body. What if the more attractive people looked at me in a strange way. Was I really comfortable enough to show my private parts in front of people I know and didn't know? What about this, what about that, what about... yes my insecurities was coming out and I couldn't stop it. Soon my excitement turned into fear.
I read once that all feelings are sponsored by two emotions Love & Fear.
Why was I choosing fear, right here, right now? Wasn't I over all this. Then, I became embarrassed to even think I could still feel this way. I told Fuzzy about it over instant messenger, but I don't think he really understood what I was feeling.
"Just go out there and do it, don't think about it."
In my head I was thinking, well it may be easy for you, but this is something I been dealing with for awhile. Years even. Just when I thought I had a grapple on it, here it comes again, and I tried to explain it to him without being upset, and without thinking he just didn't care. A part of me just wanted him to just tell me I was gorgeous, and beautiful, and that I would be the best looking guy on that beach... but he didn't, and I didn't expect him to. Why do I need confirmation? Shouldn't I be able to look at myself in the mirror and think I'm beautiful? So I started researching online. How does one obtain Confidence?
Change Your Negative Thoughts. If it comes into your head, Think Again. Remember all the emotions and feelings when you felt the strongest or at your best. Then make it your experience.
Be mindful of your body. Keep your head up & stand up straight. Be confident in your body. Know your strongest attributes and be confident in that.
Speak Positive. Don't just say I'm having a great day at the beach, say I am having a wonderful and absolute amazing day at the beach!

And so I did...
As I got there, with all my friends, there they all were. Men and Women all Naked! White. Black. Hispanic. Gay. Straight. All on the beach, enjoying there nudity. Some taken in the sun. Some playing in the water. Some cruising the beach in search of another. Yet through it all, everyone was comfortable with being naked.

So I did it. Yes, with hesitation, but I became confident. I thought, this was my adult swim. This was me being an adult, celebrating my adulthood. I created this blog because I was scared to swim, much like I was scared to be an adult, but this time I choose not to be afraid. I choose Love. Love of MYSELF. I have been through so much since I became an adult. I have documented most of it, in this very blog. From issues with my family, to getting my own apartment. To not being able to let go with GOD, to having the Holy Ghost in my living room. To wishing I had friends, to having a whole new community to embrace. And to losing love, and finding love again.

For a moment on that beach, I let go.
I felt Free. I felt liberated. I felt no insecurities. I released my inhibitions.
In my confidence I took photos with the one I love. It is amazing how much I have learned and evolved in the short time I have been with Fuzzy. Just the day before I told him I loved him for the very first time, and I truly felt that love as we both posed on the beach naked and just being into one another. This experience was a celebration of my growth as a man. If I could be naked in front of so many people, imagine now what I could do...






[the end...?]

62 Comments:

  • By Golly Gee I am ready to take an dip and possibly down in the affection of all that hottness.

    Dappuhhhhhhhhh oh Shit I just peed some white stuff!

    By Blogger Dapper D, at 7:33 PM  

  • Cant wait to read it..I really dont care about the pictures....really I dont...lol

    By Blogger antneya, at 8:27 PM  

  • so nude beaches really do exist.. ok

    By Blogger Soldier, at 8:36 PM  

  • nude beach in miami haluover beach

    By Blogger Andre Allen, at 9:37 PM  

  • Dapper D,
    Don't get Cut!!!

    Shawn,
    Can't wait to see the OTHER scandalous pics...

    By Blogger Bougie Black Boy, at 3:12 AM  

  • I....I....wha....huh?

    By Blogger Ladynay, at 4:40 AM  

  • @ Ladynay - too funny

    I swear if I see one pic of me ..... lol... but really.

    By Blogger Ty, at 8:00 AM  

  • I love the nude beach. I usually go to the Black Nudist's Event at Gunnison Beach on Sandy Hook in NJ. Now that I am a DC metro resident, I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it. If you happen to hear when they're having it this year (It's usually mid to late July). Let me know. By the way... I'm a grower, not a shower so if you happen to see me on the beach... don't laugh at the piece... lol!

    By Blogger Rodney, at 8:22 AM  

  • SCAN-DUH-LOUS! Lord!

    By Blogger Virginia Slim, at 8:26 AM  

  • @ Dapper
    You know what! LOL

    @ ANT
    Uh huh, suuuuuuure.

    @ Soldier
    Actually they only show up ever 1,000 years.

    @ Andre
    I thought all beaches at Miami are nude, lol

    @ Bougie
    Scandalous Photos of you? Sure!

    @ Ladynay
    Breath... its ok!

    @ TY
    Don't deny yourself!

    @ Rodney
    Indeed this is the beach in which you speak... but I didn't know of any Black Nudiest event.... Fuzzy? Ty? Do some research!

    By Blogger ShawnQt, at 9:04 AM  

  • Oh my! I can see dude's peenie weenie in the background...

    By Blogger Dayne Avery, at 11:02 AM  

  • That is some photo!!! Ha! You go boy!

    Check it out, I heard about a contest that I think you would be perfect for... I have seen some of your stuff and think you could be a shoe in for this. Check out my blog... I left a shout out to you.

    By Anonymous kennyking78, at 11:03 AM  

  • UMMMM....someone is always nude on your blog, so is this really a NEW experience?


    (My mind is flashing back to the two weeks of parties. LOL)


    -Marz

    By Blogger Marz, at 11:18 AM  

  • Well My Word (As I clutch my chest and reach for the Kleenex)!

    By Blogger That Dude Right There, at 12:59 PM  

  • i'm with ty! no dang pix of me!! unless they're supa sexy of course ,lol

    lol at "a grower not a shower"!
    that goes for a lot folks, rodney. the growth is what gets 'em!!
    (I should know)

    By Blogger Omar Ramon, at 2:32 PM  

  • LOL @ dude in the background. Looks like he was trying to avoid the camera...which leads to the next question: Who the hell took the pic?

    By Blogger Coital, at 3:27 PM  

  • Let me tell you... dude in the back is not trying to get away!

    Who did take this photo? I think Omar did.

    Kenny, I will check it out!

    You know what Marz, that is so not true... entirely! Underwear and Nudity are two different things, lol.

    By Blogger ShawnQt, at 3:52 PM  

  • What a great expression of true self, you certainly bared it all, but with true confidence, grace and taste. This by far was one of the most profound blog entries I have ever read, it spoke to the core, expressive and insightful at best. Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Hopefully traffic will light up your blogspot today, for I think (in fact I know) what you have shared here willl touch someone. Job well done.

    By Blogger Rahshek, at 9:01 PM  

  • ok im back, and this time all i can say is...

    "hmmm... Ok... so... wow... uh... well.. "

    LOL

    Brother, to me its time to change the name of the blog because u're an adult now (you're intimate with other adults so you are one) and you swam, yes u did ! u went all the way across the atlantic ocean with this post.
    Bravo !
    I'm proud of u

    By Blogger Soldier, at 9:38 PM  

  • Someday I hope to be so brave.

    By Blogger E, at 10:03 PM  

  • I came back and there's more! You guys are beautiful creatures. I am glad you are learning and experiencing so much with the help and support of those that love you.

    By Blogger Ladynay, at 4:52 AM  

  • Hmmmm, How come I'm not notified when you post? Ur makin me look bad by posting mad late in the game...

    My Apologies on not totally embracing your insecure moment, but I did in fact completely understand. What may have worked for me may not work for others. But the line, "Just go out there and do it, don't think about it", was how i handled my insecurity. Like being scared of a roller coaster, like I was at a younger age, sometimes facing that fear head on with strong boldness is enough to conquer that fear. In the back of your mind, no matter what I or anyone else could of told you, Shawn had to be the one to generate the will power and courage to do it himself.

    From the looks of it, you did a great job to me! I'm Proud of you.

    By Blogger fuzzy, at 9:11 AM  

  • This was a REALLY REALLY REALLY good post. And I'm not just saying it because of all the nudity. It was raw, honest, and one of your best.

    By Blogger Dayne Avery, at 9:19 AM  

  • Nice pix and nice evolution, man!

    By Blogger zaki, at 1:41 PM  

  • yes i took the pic!! and i also took the pix of shawn and fuzzy.
    I take the most BEAUTIFUL shots!! LOL
    well, hey, i have beautiful subjects to shoot at, right?
    y'all look gr8.

    "just keep swimming"-Dory, Finding Nemo

    By Blogger Omar Ramon, at 4:23 PM  

  • LOL...I just opened this at work. Trying to get me in trouble. You're braver than I am man.. I dont think I could ever just be "hanging out" all in public.

    By Blogger lj, at 6:19 PM  

  • Hey Shawn,
    Congratulations on your continuing to confirm that you can tread deep water.

    I love the concept of the nude beach, maybe it is what I need to get over my personal fears, of not being what I want in others.

    By Blogger The Divo, at 6:23 PM  

  • Wow...the story behind this makes those pics so much more...this was fantastic...

    By Blogger Valentino, at 7:59 PM  

  • How does one gain the freedom? the confidence?

    And you forgot to bleep out the shadows!!

    Me.

    P.S. Did "This Book Will Change Your Life" change your life?

    By Blogger Reg, at 8:43 PM  

  • I do not know if I could do it. I would have been nervous as hell. It would have taken a lot to do it.

    By Blogger Epsilonicus, at 9:27 PM  

  • Oooohhh. More stuff. I love what you wrote. It is deep and personal. I was wondering why you were running around with the towel so long. Now I know. I glad that you opened up and were able to overcome some insecurities.

    By Blogger Ty, at 8:28 AM  

  • liked the story...

    By Blogger ReddMann, at 1:21 PM  

  • Can't say much more than what's already been said. Beautiful, both words and pictures. Alright for the shadows of the penises though. Ha!

    By Blogger Virginia Slim, at 2:12 PM  

  • oh how beautiful!!! I am glad to know that you came over your fears and enjoy the nature that God created (the beach) in naked bliss...pun intended.

    Reading your post makes me wanna have a boyfriend.

    By Blogger ProfessorGQ, at 6:37 PM  

  • Positive thoughts, negative thoughts, neutral perspectives must all be balanced. Never assume positive thinking is the golden key.

    By Blogger The Captain, at 8:55 AM  

  • lol, for someone to be so nervous, who told u to have a photo shoot?

    By Blogger Double 'A' Ron, at 6:16 AM  

  • beautyful picture of beautyful black men. I like I like what I see. Thank you for the post, if warms this old heart to see that the young are all right.

    By Blogger David E. Patton, at 9:11 AM  

  • in the words of Nelson Mandela, who are you not to be "brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous..." and may I please add NAKED!? lol

    so i had to read and BREEZE through this one on the sly (cuzza the pix) AT WORK, but DAYUMN Shawn, I'm happy for you and what you are accomplishing and overcoming in life, and i'm happy for you and Fuzzy and you finding love once again, that must be a great feeling... keep doin what u do... i'm jealous of u now cuzza them pix lol, it's been a good min since i posted pix like that, but i'll be BACK lol... take it easy bruh PEACE

    By Blogger heartbreaker, at 1:41 PM  

  • By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:30 PM  

  • I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!

    That is amazing.

    Wow!

    By Blogger Charles X, at 12:56 AM  

  • Omar...I got your nude beach for ya...Fuzzy great shots...Shawn just another step to adulthood growing to living in your authentic self.

    By Anonymous yusef, at 6:01 AM  

  • i love to see you grow. great post. congrats on breaking the barrier.

    By Blogger kool, at 6:17 AM  

  • I really felt this post deeply. There is something AMAZING about dealing with your insecurities, and hidden negative thoughts about yourself.

    And yes there is a difference between nudity and underwear modeling. But that line is very hard to distinguish when the underwear is half off(LOL); I'mma have to point that picture out.

    -Marz

    By Blogger Marz, at 8:16 AM  

  • Ok I don't know what took me so long to visit your blog...please forgive me. I would decide to visit the day you post all of the nude pics! Was that your way of making me want to come back for more? Love your honesty and how unhibited you are. I'm a fan.

    By Blogger Darian, at 10:40 AM  

  • :,|

    My lil Adult, gotta get my comments in... sigh! look how many comments you have...

    By Blogger fuzzy, at 11:22 AM  

  • Wow, the pics are divalicious, lol

    By Blogger Delaleuverses, at 11:39 AM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger ~HoustonNY~, at 4:02 PM  

  • OK, speechless is what jumps to mind! I am like Ladynay! So for ShawnQT, Omar, Fuzzy and all the fellas that were there, I will let Rihanna say it for me!

    SOS please someone come and help me
    Its not healthy, for me to feel this way
    Oh you are making this hard
    I can't take it, see, it don't feel right...

    SOS please someone come and help me
    Its not healthy, for me to feel this way
    Oh you are making this hard
    You got me tossing and turning, can't sleep at night

    SOS please someone come and rescue me
    Cuz you on my mind got me loosing it
    I'm lost you got me looking for the rest of me,
    Your testing me, but still i'm loosing it.....

    By Blogger ~HoustonNY~, at 4:05 PM  

  • All this black love brings a tear to me eyes.

    By Anonymous Me, at 5:52 PM  

  • @OMG...I'm speechless. The pics were hot! The story behind the pics was ever hotter! Excellent post!

    By Blogger LUVIN ME, at 7:08 AM  

  • Nice photos Shawn, tastefully done.

    By Anonymous $harif, at 8:11 AM  

  • you guys are speechless?
    51 comments is speechless!

    By Blogger ShawnQt, at 8:59 AM  

  • Have Mercy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is this? "MY EYES, MY EYES , MY EYES"!!!!!!!!!!!!

    By Blogger Stone, at 8:40 AM  

  • I definitely don't have the balls to do something like that. lol

    By Blogger Ruben, at 2:16 PM  

  • Fantastic post! Blew me away.

    By Blogger Troy N., at 10:37 PM  

  • ive been to nude beaches several times but i never took my clothes off -- i was too scared!!!! lol

    By Blogger Clay, at 8:00 PM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger LilGrownAzzMan, at 6:40 AM  

  • While reading this, I was taken back to a time, that I still sometime revisit, when I was really insecure about my looks...I love that fact that you got a chance to just let go, and do you, especially with the dude you love

    By Blogger LilGrownAzzMan, at 6:57 AM  

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    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    About Christmas
    merry christmas

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  • Omg! I LOVE this post for so many reasons!

    I love the fact that your talking about your own insecurities, and how we ALL have our own to contend with.

    Those pics of you and Fuz are too cute...They give me hope that one day I'll be able to share those kinda moments with my future Guy.

    ;-)

    By Blogger RocaFella07, at 4:59 AM  

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