[adult swim]

Saturday, December 24, 2005


Has there ever been a time when you felt uneasy, unbalanced, sad, depressed, disappointed, unfitting, or incomplete?

3 Years ago, on Christmas Eve, I felt the same way. I was on AOL Instant Messenger, talking to a friend of mine and my boyfriend at the same time. So I typed something to my friend about my lover, and I ended up sending it to boyfriend! Let's just say the comment could sound very hurtful taken out of context. He was very upset. I felt so bad. How could I hurt the one I love? I was so disappointed in myself. I called him to try and explain, and he wasn't hearing it. So I just hung up the phone, got my coat, and started walking outside. All around me was shivering winds & blistering snow. How fitting, because my heart and mind felt the same way. When I came back, I wrote this poem. It's called...


Leaving on the Eve
When the lord is born
The snow is cold outside.
A draft creeps into my heart.

I'm like a shivering Shiva
With an orange moon on my head,
For love is on my mind
As I walk these streets alone.

Light after light
I connect the missing lines,
Unguided and nowhere to turn.
Thoughts of a savior come to mind
But he isn't born till tomorrow.

Northern stars and Supernovas
I search for in the brisk sky,
If only there was a full moon
He would be here by my side.

It's a damn cold night,
Nothing is going right,
And everything is a mess,
Yet I am fully dressed,
In language that is
Unevolving and insecure.

As I walk back home,
I see two sets of footsteps
In the snow below.
They are mine,
I have walked this path before.
I guess I am not alone
after all.

As I read this poem, on the same day 3 years ago, I look back at where I have been, and where I am going with my life. I have evolved into a better version of myself, and this poem is a testimony of that. I realized that No matter what I have been through, I have walked this path before. Either physically, spiritually, or historically. We all have all walked through the "shadows of death" and times when we wern't complete, and made it through. In times of despair, we feel as if GOD isn't present. But reading this poem now, I believed that night, GOD was with me, even when I didn't believe GOD was. Now, here I am as a testimony how GOD moves you through anything and uplifts you to be a better person.

I am no longer shivering out of fear,
but releasing the warmth and spirit of GOD!
This is what I feel, Christmas is all about. A Celebration of GOD, Family, & Gratitude. GOD gave us the gift of GOD's kin, who in return gave us the gift of life. Jesus gave us the ability to think outside or own limited thinking, and the understanding to love one another. Jesus allowed us to believe in ourselves, and our own power, so that we can be our own salvation. And last, but not least...To Honor God. So I thank GOD, for my life, my family & friends, even my blog. My Blog is Something Else. Reading the comments from my last post, made me realize that I'm blogging for a reason. I'm blogging for "meaning", and through GOD, and this blog, I know I will find it.



  • Merry Christmas QT

    By Blogger lj, at 1:01 AM  

  • Merry Christmas! It's always good to look back and see growth. Why do we always hurt the ones we love.

    By Blogger mytruth, at 1:45 AM  

  • Merry Christmas Shawn! I love your blog, your energy, your style, your personality homie... You're always keepin' it real, and that really inspired me to keep my head up... thanx

    By Blogger heartbreaker, at 6:18 AM  

  • Merry Christmas yo!

    By Blogger DizYaBoy, at 3:25 PM  

  • you done went from sayin' the blog aint shit.. to sayin its somethin else. well, shit, i like it! anyways, i want to know what the IM was that you sent. im just nosy, im sorry. anyways have a merry christmas n shit

    By Blogger Charles X, at 3:51 PM  

  • Dope poem...and I definitely feel what you're saying with now realizing that God was there all along, it's always good to look back at things and learn from them

    By Blogger Ketchums, at 8:47 PM  

  • Merry christmas Shawty... I love the blog... and yes i been there before... but yet in still I have ROSE!!

    By Blogger Ya boy Maurice, at 9:53 AM  

  • good to see it worked out for the best!

    By Blogger So!ConFuSeD, at 5:43 PM  

  • I need to call you...I miss you...awwww.

    By Blogger Trent Jackson, at 3:28 AM  

  • AMEN! That was sweet! Happy Holidays!

    By Blogger Cash S., at 6:49 AM  

  • Man, i'm feeling this post! Everything happens for a reason! Hope you had a blessed holiday!

    By Blogger Unconquerable Soul, at 8:31 AM  

  • lawd knows ive done the same thing on the IM, but ive usually said something like, "oh that was a line from a Manson song that I wanted to share w/ you" - lol

    By Blogger Clay, at 10:19 AM  

  • cool man. there's nothing like going back and comparing your now to your yesterday. And sweet when your now is better, much better. Love and good fortune to you.


    By Blogger Reg, at 1:07 PM  

  • Hey bro how are things going for you.... ? Hope your holidays have been going well. Love the pics on here, too.

    By Blogger Bougie Black Boy, at 5:24 AM  

  • Hey man! Where you stand?
    With your blog or with your dog?

    Its pretty cool your blog and dog?
    This away, that away
    Which away Witch away
    Anyway and backwards way
    But find you God

    By Blogger jakalof, at 12:17 AM  

  • Nice pic of you...i know im a little late but hope you had a good xmas and have a good new year..ur post/poem are motivating

    By Blogger Soulful Real, at 6:48 AM  

  • I loved the poem and am glad that you realize that you are not alone...you are growing as we all should...happy new year!

    By Blogger ProfessorGQ, at 11:26 AM  

  • Amen. It's always good to look back every now and again and take notice of how much you've grown.

    By Blogger Ladynay, at 8:04 PM  

  • That peom was nice. It was cool that you were able to express your feelings about that night.

    I look forward to reading more about you in the coming 2006 year.

    By Blogger E, at 10:58 AM  

  • Happy New Year Pa...Your blog has been a light in the darkness at times, and i thank you for your honesty, your thoughts, and words of encouragement.

    Can't wait to see whats next in 2006

    By Blogger Inonit, at 2:21 PM  


    By Blogger JenellyBean, at 8:54 PM  

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