Grow

[a poem inspired by John Legend's song "Ordinary People" and a recent experience]

Boy I am in love with you.
What are we going through?
Especially after a year and some days.

You say that you love me so,
But not in love with me, so…
Why even bother trying to stay?

I called you.
You played me.
Ignored me, just dissed me.
Always pushing my feelings to the side.

Now you can’t even talk to me.
Just go. Watch your TV.
I’m tired. I tried.
You’re not by my side, so go…

Legend says we’re ordinary people,
And I don’t know which way to go.
Why can’t we be extraordinary people?
We just need some time to grow.

Let’s take it slow. Just go. Oh no, I don’t want you to go.
Take it slow. No, you have to go. You need time to grow.

Maybe I didn’t love enough.
My muscles weren’t tough enough.
Maybe your attraction went a stray.

You say your love is like cement,
Just not always one hundred percent,
And that maybe you need some time away.

I’m small,
And you’re tall,
That doesn’t make it wrong.
Your shallowness just won’t go away.

I try to enhance this.
Give love with romances.
Those men you been glancing,
Go find them, cause its ok…

Legend says we’re ordinary people
And my heart is feeling extremely low.
Why can’t we be extraordinary people?
Maybe I’ll take this time grow.

Let’s take it slow. Just go. Oh no, I don’t want you to go.
Take it slow. No, you have to go. We need time to grow.

MY CONFESSION

My Confession: I'm gay, and I'm cool with that.

[I wrote like this really long post, but I deleted it. I found myself trying to convince you guys that being gay was ok, but then I started sounding very defensive. I just want to live in the moment that, at some level, I confessed something that I kept very secretive for years. I got tired of lying. Now I feel free.]



This is me at a beach party in New York for Gay Pride 2003.
You like my Old Navy swimming trunks?

Questions? Comments? Go for it!

A Legacy in "some guy's" hands

This is TLC. The Biggest Selling Female Group of All Time.
They have 4 multi-plantinum albums, that pushed the envelope on style, music, pop-culture, and unlifted lives through out there journey. These are my girls, Ya not feeling me! I have been a major fan of TLC almost half of my life. I have various TLC influences running through me, its crazy.

I bring all this up, because ever since the passing of Left Eye, the TLC Legacy has been going downhill. Especially after seeing something online I wasn't pleased with. Above is a photograph of TLC in 1996, during the Grammy Awards. These outfits were made in TLC fashion. Sexy, Creative, and stylish. They won Best R&B Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal for "Creep", and Best R&B Album for "CrazySexyCool" in these outfits. These are iconic because, even when they was going through bankruptcy, they still came out, and came out in confidence.

Now these beautiful designs belong to... "Some guy."


How the fuck did "some guy" get one of the most iconic fashions in TLC History! Seems that Left Eye owned them as apart of her estate. The Lopes Family needed to buy Left Eye's recording studio, so to help with the cost, some of TLC's outfits went up for auction. So instead of putting these in some kind of archive, or even still, having a truly dedicated fan [like my crazysexycool self] to cherish them, "some guy" has them, hung up by some dingy screen door, with some weird looking cartoon spider next to it. I'm pissed as hell, the TLC Legacy should not go down like this!!!

[sigh... just had to vent.]

R U THE GIRL? Apply to be on the new TLC reality show by CLICKING HERE

One Small Duck. One Deep, Dark Pond.

Ok, I'm moving out my mom's house in March. I'm scared and excited all at the same time. I'm excited to have my own place, live my own life, and express myself the way I want to express myself. I'm excited about decorating the house and having friends over.

I'm scared because I will have to take on a lot of responsibility on my own. I'm scared that I won't have a lot of money, be broke, or not be able to go places I used to go to. I'm scared that I will end up in debt.

I love my job, and I love what I do. But I don't make mad money. I'm making money to get by. Yet, a lot of people struggled and made it through. I always had a lot of things handed to me, maybe I need to get through this experience. I need to be a man about it, and do my thing.

In situations like this, it's always a good idea to talk to GOD.

Hey God,

Shawn here, good to feel you again. How's the universe coming along?

Anyway... Well the small group of atoms that encompass yours truly is finally moving out. Yes, its about time, but you know me better then anyone, so you know why it took so long. I know your proud of me, and everything I am, but I'm scared. But not scared in like"I'm going to hell" scared, more like, "I want to be the best me" scared. I just don't want to disappoint myself.

[pause]

What's that? I shouldn't doubt myself, because that's like doubting the true essence of GOD. Yeah I know. That's easy for you to say when your on the other side, but I'm only human. I don't always know everything. I would love to be like Jesus, and be at one with GOD, and life, and help others realize there own penitential... I'm trying. I know that me moving out is just going to open up so many others things about myself I never realized. This is bigger then an apartment. Bigger then my job. Bigger then having a really cool living room decor. This is Shawn in the making.

[pause]

Your right. I'll be alright. Thanks God, you always know the right thing to say to make me feel better. :)

Luv Ya,

Shawn