[adult swim]

Monday, October 31, 2005

LOVE: The Final Episode

Entry originally written: Saturday, August 06, 2005

READ: EPISODE 1, EPISODE 2, EPISODE 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, before reading...

The Final Episode: Love & Life
So how do you tell the story of one of the most amazing people you have ever met, and one of the most heartbreaking moments of your life?

In Anger.
In Sadness.
In Happiness.
In Hope.
In God.

I’m angry because I put so much time and energy in a situation, and the end result was pain. I’m angry because while he made a decision to pull back from the relationship, I was sitting at home, hoping and praying one day it would be ok. I’m angry that all the beautiful things I love to hear him say to me, he says after we are no longer together. I’m angry that the promise he made to me about being there for me 100%, feels like a lie.

I’m sad that I will never get to see where this relationship could have been. I’m sad that I no longer have my best friend anymore. I’m sad that I will never get to experience that magical moment I always wanted from him. I’m sad that at times tears come from my eyes when I think about him.

I’m happy that I don’t have to be sad anymore. I’m happy that it didn’t end up worst then it could have been. I’m happy I got to be with him for as long as we were together. I’m happy that I have the memory of making him happy. I’m happy I didn’t lose myself, and that he can now be the person he wants to be.

I’m hopeful that this heartache will pass with time. I’m hopeful that he finds love. I’m hopeful that he will be far greater person then I knew him as. I am hopeful that I will find myself through the memories of this relationship.

I understand that GOD has already given me the strength to handle any pain, and that I just have to pray, and be open to withdrawing that energy within me. I understand that GOD has created relationships so that we can understand ourselves, and experience what GOD calls LOVE. What GOD calls LIFE. There is nothing greater then two people enhancing each other, enhancing love, and enhancing life together. I understand that we as humans create pain and suffering for ourselves, but if we look at a situation for what it is, we can take those experiences and create a positive side through our lost.

It was all worth it, even through my anger & sadness; I wouldn’t have changed my decision. Only when I let go of the pain, will I appreciate this experience more… but it takes time. I will always love him, and he will always have a special part of my spirit.

So life goes on, and I await the gifts the universe gives me, and I will give back love once again.


  • I just wanted to say THANK YOU, to everyone who has read my story... in all actuality, it seems just as painful reliving it here on my blog, but it was a story I had to let out.

    We have been apart for 3 months now.We are still not together, but we talk from time to time. I will always love him, and he will always love me...

    ...but I have to see what else GOD has in store for me.

    Thank you for letting me share my thoughts, feelings, and my life.

    It only gets better from here.

    By Blogger ShawnQt, at 6:51 PM  

  • WOW...that whole getting on one knee bit was HOT! Um, if you get on one knee for me, I'll love you...forever and ever...AMEN!

    Coming Into Reality,

    By Blogger Jamal K. Franklin, at 7:24 PM  

  • Well, wow... i'm impressed... You really are THE MAN ! That was clear, honest, realistic... Keep on thinking this way and you'll have a GREAT life man, there's no stronger man than the one who faces his problems instead of running away from them !

    By Blogger Soldier, at 7:30 PM  

  • I'm sure you've heard this plenty but time heals all wounds.I know that you will find the one who'll be all you need him to be one day.

    By Blogger lj, at 8:09 PM  

  • @ Jamal...

    It was one of the most romantic moments I have ever created... and hopefully it will be greater ones to come. I just got it like that, lol, at least for the one I love. It's inspiration. Sadly, I wish I had a similiar moment towards me.
    The Universe has a funny way with turning things around.

    @ Soldier...

    I'm a soldier just like you! Wait till you read my next post. As much as upset I have been, I have had 3 months to heal. I'm a totally different person from now and 3 months ago.

    @ LJ...

    Interesting that you say that, but TIME has been my FAITH throughout this whole situation.

    By Blogger ShawnQt, at 8:30 PM  

  • Yo! Thanks for gracing my spot with your presence… there is nothing us as humans can do about the darkness there is a greater power over that. Reading you blog lets me know that love is out there. You can not shape a person... You can only be the loving, passionate and caring adult that you are. There is someone out there that fits you like a puzzle. That one knee thing touched me. You keep doing what you doing.

    By Blogger Lil-Shy, at 9:44 PM  

  • You are an Unconquerable Soul! I'm glad you shared your story. We all know, everything happens for a reason, and I'm sure this situation came about to give you Strength. Keep on Pushin!

    By Blogger Unconquerable Soul, at 5:37 AM  

  • You'll be just fine. I love your new outlook ... positive thoughts promote positive progression. Take care!

    By Blogger Systa Soul, at 11:47 AM  

  • wow, that was interesting... again I found you by accident but I am happy to have read.. it is good to read that you are keeping your head up through this. That is what life is all about. You learn from actions in life and it makes you stronger because to not have loved him would not have given you the strength to write what you just did and share it with others.

    There is someone out there for you. It may take a day, a week or a month but they will come. Listen to me tell you this and I am still waiting .. or have I met her? you never know until you experience it.

    keep ya head up and a smile on your face!


    By Blogger QT, at 11:49 AM  

  • dude, you will overcome...and life has so much more and better things in store for you...you will meet a person who will be your mate forever and happily...I also thank you for sharing your personal journey...blogs like yours is encouraging me to do the same...sometimes, it's so difficult to do

    By Blogger ProfessorGQ, at 2:21 PM  

  • @ lil-shy...

    Your very welcome, can't wait to see more of it. One who has power can be a light within darkness, one who is weak, become one with the darkness. I may not be the sun, but I can be a star in the distance. Even though I'm upset, I will never give up on love ( I say that now). The good thing about puzzles is that you might fit to one side, but there are four other sides to it as well. Looking for 3 and 4.

    @ unconquerable...

    I love your name! Thanks!

    @ systa soul and qt, thank u!

    By Blogger ShawnQt, at 2:24 PM  

  • WOW.

    My hat goes off to you my brotha for bringing this forth.

    It made me think.

    By Blogger Tim, at 3:39 PM  

  • @ ProfessorGQ & Timothy...

    thank you so much! (wink)

    By Blogger ShawnQt, at 6:04 PM  

  • Hi Shawnqt...I will read your entire story but I just wanted to give you a quick shout out.

    By Blogger E, at 5:38 AM  

  • Thank you for sharing your story with us. They say everything happens for a reason and as cliche as that sounds, it is true.

    By Blogger E, at 5:56 AM  

  • Alright Broham,

    Haven't seen you on the show in a minute and apparently I have missed a few things huh?

    MY WHY for WHY Wednesday?

    WHY does love hurt so good when you have it and WHY does it hurt so good when it's gone?

    By Blogger The Foxybrown Show, at 12:31 PM  

  • Thank you for sharing your story. Love, with its many ups and downs, is constant in its offerings of life lessons. Be it good or bad, we learn a tremendous amount about ourselves and others. It's a stimulator for personal growth. Once you've allowed yourself to heal, that's when so much more is revealed.

    Love - it's joy and pain, it's bitter and sweet. Love is so divine. With the passing of this trying phase in love, God is sure to have many more experiences in store for you. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts, your feelings, the lessons you've learned, and how you've gotten to where you are now.

    Thanks for checking out my blog!

    By Blogger BuddahDesmond, at 1:56 PM  

  • I just was lucky to land here, and read your story. You're an inspiring writer, and a good soul. He doesn't realize what he's lost, and for that he doesn't deserve you. I hope you find someone that can give to a relationship as much as you bring. True partners are hard to find, but once found, they must always work to keep their bond strong. Everything else is secondary. Good luck shawn.

    By Blogger kent.., at 1:35 PM  

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