LOVE: The Final Episode

Entry originally written: Saturday, August 06, 2005

READ: EPISODE 1, EPISODE 2, EPISODE 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, before reading...

The Final Episode: Love & Life

So how do you tell the story of one of the most amazing people you have ever met, and one of the most heartbreaking moments of your life?

In Anger.
In Sadness.
In Happiness.
In Hope.
In God.

I’m angry because I put so much time and energy in a situation, and the end result was pain. I’m angry because while he made a decision to pull back from the relationship, I was sitting at home, hoping and praying one day it would be ok. I’m angry that all the beautiful things I love to hear him say to me, he says after we are no longer together. I’m angry that the promise he made to me about being there for me 100%, feels like a lie.

I’m sad that I will never get to see where this relationship could have been. I’m sad that I no longer have my best friend anymore. I’m sad that I will never get to experience that magical moment I always wanted from him. I’m sad that at times tears come from my eyes when I think about him.

I’m happy that I don’t have to be sad anymore. I’m happy that it didn’t end up worst then it could have been. I’m happy I got to be with him for as long as we were together. I’m happy that I have the memory of making him happy. I’m happy I didn’t lose myself, and that he can now be the person he wants to be.

I’m hopeful that this heartache will pass with time. I’m hopeful that he finds love. I’m hopeful that he will be far greater person then I knew him as. I am hopeful that I will find myself through the memories of this relationship.

I understand that GOD has already given me the strength to handle any pain, and that I just have to pray, and be open to withdrawing that energy within me. I understand that GOD has created relationships so that we can understand ourselves, and experience what GOD calls LOVE. What GOD calls LIFE. There is nothing greater then two people enhancing each other, enhancing love, and enhancing life together. I understand that we as humans create pain and suffering for ourselves, but if we look at a situation for what it is, we can take those experiences and create a positive side through our lost.

It was all worth it, even through my anger & sadness; I wouldn’t have changed my decision. Only when I let go of the pain, will I appreciate this experience more… but it takes time. I will always love him, and he will always have a special part of my spirit.

So life goes on, and I await the gifts the universe gives me, and I will give back love once again.