[adult swim]

Sunday, March 27, 2005

CELEBRATING THE DAY OF MY BIRTH



Easter. The day when Jesus was resurrected from the dead. It is a day to reflect on our own rebirths; that of the body and of the spirit. It is a moment to reflect on the miracles of life. It is a time when this planet rises from its winter slumber, to "spring" in a new form of its earthly wonders. It is another year when cosmic stars push forward and the zodiac signs start over once again, with the head forward Aries leading the pack. Even Numerology states that this day (3.27.2005) gives off a universal vibration of a 1, which symbolizes the principle of the new beginnings. And then of course, there is my birthday...

... I am 25 years old, and moving forward on what I would consider the new beginning of my adulthood. I graduated college, have started my new career, got my driver's license, and will soon be moving into my brand new apartment. All these things will be the foundation of the man you see today. Always rising, always the Phoenix.

I have always associated myself with the Mythology of the Phoenix. The phoenix bird symbolizes immortality, resurrection and life after death. Only one phoenix exists at a time.
When the bird feels its death is near, every 500 years, it would build a wood nest and set itself on fire. A new phoenix would spring forth from the pyre flying stronger and better then its previous form.

The phoenix first came to me during a really bad sexual experience.
There was this guy. He was sexy as hell, and I met him on a friendship level. I told myself that I was going to keep it that way. I asked him if I could come over to his house, and he was cool with it. We sat, watched TV, he showed me some of his modeling photos, and all I could think about was how attractive and sexy he was. He was light-skin, had a muscular body, masculine, but a pretty boy nonetheless. He was flat out fine. It was getting dark, and I didn't want to go home so late, so he insisted that I stay the night, but that we wouldn't do anything. Fine, cool. Man, he was fine. To make a long story short... We ended up messing around. Yet in the heat of passion, he wanted to have actual sex with me. I told him I was a virgin, and he laughed at me, and completely tuned me out, and turned me down. He said he had to go get in the shower, and to get dressed and be out by the time he got back. I was hurt, humiliated, and felt so bad that my thoughts were so fixed on instant gratification.


As I laid on the bed, desperate and alone, I started writing a letter to GOD, asking for a sign, something that would take me away from all these empty sexual thoughts and desires. It was then, that I started sketching out a phoenix bird. I knew then that this was the sign that GOD was showing me. My body felt, only what I can describe as a surge of happiness, peace, and motivation. I felt as if I was being reborn into a new spirit. I felt like I wanted to be more intune to GOD, the universe, and what life was truly all about... LOVE.

Even as I look back on this story, I am still amazed at how intune I feel I am with the universe. How even when things go bad, I still look towards the positive. Even on my very own birthday, people stood me up, or didn't even call to wish me a happy birthday, I was still was still ok with it. And it amazes me that, the person I broke up with two months ago, the one I blogged about a few days ago, declared to me for the first time that he was "IN LOVE" with me, and that he wanted me back in his life. The one that I didn't even think cared about me, was crying because he couldn't see me not being by his side. I was in love with him too, but I was scared that he would do this to me again. Then I looked at how special this day truly was. Easter. Jesus. Spring Time. Me being an Aries. This day given off a vibration of a "1". Me turning 25. Me loving God, and GOD giving me the gift of love...

... and all I could do was love him, and take him back. Once again GOD has given me all the signs that my relationship, was being reborn, and that only "beautiful" things could begin once again.
[the best birthday gift ever]

12 Comments:

  • happy birthday.

    By Blogger Larry D. Lyons II, at 9:27 PM  

  • Happy Birthday and Congratulations on your NU relationship.

    Beautiful post.

    By Blogger plotty, at 5:26 AM  

  • Happy Belated Birthday!

    Great Post!

    By Blogger E to the dwige, at 7:51 AM  

  • I can dig it! Nice post Shawn. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you as well, hope you had a special one.

    :)

    By Blogger Dayrell, at 12:26 AM  

  • Happy Belated Birthday... ;)

    By Blogger courtneyelizabeth, at 2:38 PM  

  • Wow man...thanks for sharing such a personal post and happy birthday.

    By Blogger PRINCE CHARMING, at 7:31 PM  

  • Well, this is all late. But happy belated birthday and I think its wonderful things are working out for you. I do think that life and the world is all about love too and its great that you got a sign to go along with it.

    By Blogger anit, at 9:10 PM  

  • Yes, yes, I know I'm late as hell. :(

    Happy Birthday, suga. I am happy you got what you really wanted for your birthday.

    By Blogger Me, at 12:56 PM  

  • Yes, I'm super late, but I see there is no new post, so Happy Birthday!

    By Blogger Liza Valentino, at 8:18 PM  

  • Happy belated bday.Did I see you doing a personal ad on a website?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:53 PM  

  • Wow...

    I know I am late with a comment to this blog but I couldn’t step off without saying something. That was deep man, seriously. I really enjoyed this read. I guess it hit me deep since I share the same sentiments. I just experienced my 25th as well and came into this year knowing that this year would be monumental. Not because it is a feeling that I have, it is something that I will make happen. My rebirth. Good luck to you man and great blessing with this year.

    By Blogger No4real4real, at 1:40 PM  

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    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:16 AM  

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