[adult swim]

Sunday, May 07, 2006

URK-MAN



It was in the 7th grade. I just graduated elementary school and I had to go to a new middle school. It was like a magnet school for kids that were gifted in ART. Now you would think the school had to be on point. Yeah right, the school was ghetto as hell! But I grew up in the hood, so I was used to it. I was never no one's "gangsta." I was me. I played with action figures while everyone went out playing basketball, stealing peoples bikes, and fighting everyone they saw. I just gotten my glasses, and then, they were just too big for my face! So with me having big glasses, me being short, and me being the not so stylish kid... I was a target for:


being called names
everyone pulling down my sweat pants
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches squished in my face
and ecto cooler squirted all over my clothes


Embarrassing! I hated going to that school. But the weird thing about it was, whenever we was in Art class, they never picked on me. They actually gave me compliments! But as soon as we go out of the class, I was nobody all over again.


To them, I was Urk-Man, there very own geeky Steve Urkel.


There were only like A couple of boys in our 7th grade class. All the popular dudes were in "Da Gang." For me to be part of "Da Gang" I had to go through some tests. Kha was one of the leaders, and he messed with me the most. He was tall, thick, and had a bald head. Not cute at all ! There was this other guy. His name was L-Dogg. He was so sexy! Light skin, chinky eyes, big pink lips, nice slim body, and a lil thugged out. This was around the time when gangsta rap was big, so everyone wanted to be a Gangsta! You had to know all the raps from"The Chronic" or you wasn't cool. I admit, I did like the songs, but I was no where near a "gangsta." Then there was JM, Has, and Adam, all of them cool were cool, and they didn't bother me much, but they were followers, so when Kah messed with me, they all messed with me!


I remember, the first test was I had to fight one of the members of the "Da Gang." I had to fight JM. Now JM had big muscles for a young dude., but he wasn't the brighest out of our class. So Kha, put us all in the boys bathroom and told us to have it out. I was so scared... but the adrenaline was pumping in my body, and I had to beat this dude down so that I wouldn't have them teasing me anymore.


So he punches me in the stomach, and I punch him right in his jaw. He falls back, and I punched him right in his chest, and then he bum-rushes me. He punked out. You know in boxing your not suppose to be all hugged up on your opponent. So he gets a couple of hits towards my ribs, and I push him to the wall, and bang his head on the urinal. LOL.


JM starts bleeding, and everyone stopped the fight. I pasted the first test. I wasn't really hurt either. A little soar though. JM gave me a pound and a hug, and we were still cool after that. Kah just looked at me like, he didn't care, but L-Dogg gave me my props.


The second test was that I had beat up a sixth grader. I soooo didn't want to do that! L-Dogg was the only one with me this time.


L-Dogg said, "Yo punch lil man right in his face!"
His lil sister was Like, " If you punch him, I'll going to get my daddy to kick your azz!"


The kid was a lil' chunky, smaller then me.


"I'm Sorry," I said and I punched him dead in his eye! He fell to the ground, and me and L-Dogg ran down the streets, while lil-momma was screaming...


"Come back Here, I'm going to get ya'll"


The bad thing about it was, the 6th grader lived few houses down from L-Dogg! Yo, why did the police come knocking on L-Dogg's door. I was so scared. We looking out the window, and lil-momma and her Dad were across the street. I could see her pointing to the house. We never did answer the door. After like 30 minutes, the cops left, we cracked up laughing thinking we were real "gangstas."


[come to think about, we never did get caught after that.]


L-Dogg looked out for me. One day, we was in his room, and he asked me to get this shirt out of his closet. As soon as I open the door, I saw mad Action-Figures in a crate! He had Ninja Turtles, Marvel Superheros, Batman, GI-Joes, He-Man, Thundercats, Everything!


He told me he still plays with them, but none of his boys knew, and if they did, they would clown him for life! I told him, I still play with my action figures, and that next weekend, we had a huge battle on his bedroom floor. He said, if you don't tell anyone about this, I'll tell the boys to let you in "Da Gang" and stop messing with you all the time. That worked for me!


The last test was CRAZY! I had to smoke weed! Now Kha wanted to get me so high that it made me sick. Honestly, I think Kha was jealous of my talent, and just wanted to fuck my head up. He was a big dude, and I think he enjoyed power. He just needed someone to push around so that it made him feel like he was somebody. Most of the boys in "Da Gang" never really listened to him, so he just picked on me. So Kha lights up the blunt, and passes it over to me.


So then L-Dogg steps in, and tells Kha I'm not smoking.


"What you mean the nigga ain't smokin? Who is he, your fuckin girlfriend or something?" Kah said.
"Fuck You Kah, this my lil man here, he already proved himself, leave him alone," L-Dogg said.


Kah looks at me.
He tells me to stand up.
I stand up.
Kah makes a fist.
I look at his hand.
He looks me in the eye.
I feel a sweat coming down my face.
He moves his arm and his fist towards my face...
He stops.


I didn't move.
I didn't flinch.
I look him in the eye.
He smiles.


"Whatever nigga," and he walks away.


sigh. I'm safe! I was so scared! But the teasing did stop, but they still called me Urk-Man. I still had my big glasses. I was still short. I still wasn't stylish.

But I had heart.


[check me out at myspace.com \ be my friend \ it will be fun]

13 Comments:

  • you should write many many books... i was glued to every word...

    moving on, i will say that your reflections remind me of the state of our school system today... it makes sad...

    not everyone is a soldier...

    i enjoyed the reflection though...

    By Blogger P. Alonzo Harris Jr., at 4:44 PM  

  • It's crazy how I read this and saw me...I had to go through similar things back when I was in school.

    So what ever happened to L-Dogg?

    I'm safe! I was so scared! But the teasing did stop, but they still called me Urk-Man. I still had my big glasses. I was still short. I still wasn't stylish.
    But I had heart.(this is so powerful to me)

    By Blogger 4GOTTEN1, at 9:45 PM  

  • Oh wow...I would have done worst stuff than that to make up for being bullied....

    By Blogger The Captain, at 11:16 PM  

  • Banged dudes head against the toilet didn't get you in? Dang! LOL

    My myspace account has dust on it. I'll add you when I remember the password! :-D

    By Blogger Ladynay, at 4:44 AM  

  • oh lawd ... this is a lot .... kinda sad. high school sucked for many people -- intense story.

    By Blogger Clay, at 7:33 AM  

  • AW, My shawn is a mothaeffin' G!!!!
    lol, gotta love it!
    Thas crazy, yo. I was picked on too..it's crazy how you gotta b a dang deliquent to earn some respect. UGH

    Urk-man...ur my hero!

    By Blogger Omar Ramon, at 8:29 AM  

  • That's all that matters baby is that you have heart....you'll make it...otherwise, you woulda been in for that treatment forever....

    By Blogger Nika Laqui, at 11:02 AM  

  • Hmmm, peer pressure is something else.

    By Blogger Cash S., at 11:24 AM  

  • that was a great story! loved it.

    ironic that steve urkel was a popular sympathetic character, and yet the kids recreated the bullies on family matters despite their negative portrayal...anyways, good story.

    By Blogger Charles X, at 3:10 AM  

  • SO HOOD. SO CRUNK.

    OMG. I had to get the ExAct glasses Urkel had, and was forced to wear them until my parents ould afford metal frames. (When I was 12.) I HAtED thE Existence of that show.

    I never joined a gang though. THank goodness it wasn't one of those Cali gangs were they chase you down the street shooting at you.


    -Marz


    -Marz

    By Blogger Sexy Meenah, at 9:32 AM  

  • i guess we all have to participate in perpetuating heteronormativity at least once...

    so what did you learn from this?

    By Anonymous kristen, at 8:01 PM  

  • I was called Urkel in Grade school. U dress up like the dude one halloween and never hear the end of it.

    By Blogger lj, at 4:11 PM  

  • Ahhh...the bitter sweet memories of peer pressure.

    Fortunately for me, I didn't have too much of that to deal with. It's hard to find time to succumb to peer pressure when you're jumping rope and working on your mambos. And with baking easy-bake oven cakes and running all over the town while being chased by the local boys I had a pretty full schedule.

    Oh to be young again....to be young.

    By Blogger Keisha Kornbread, at 7:05 AM  

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